My Final Paper - First Draft

The air is thick and weighs heavy on my chest. The sky is pitch black with silvery grey clouds. I can smell rain in the breeze, the same way it smells after a rain shower on a hot day in Texas. We haven’t had rain in almost a month. The moon is full filling up the night sky and I sit starring at it thinking about the day I just had. Everyone in my house is sound asleep, but I can’t sleep. Lately, I find myself awake when everyone is sleeping and this time alone has become a comfort for me. To see me it would seem odd that I am in the middle of my yard in the grass. This is because we have a deck full of furniture and swings but tonight I choose the grass. The grass is green and crisp tickling the underside of my legs. The world around me seems to have a steady hum that plays in the back of my head. I watch a butterfly glide through the air heading straight for our butterfly garden. I glance at the garden; it is not much to look at unless you know the beauty that takes place there. I can see a caterpillar hanging from the arbor preparing to make its chrysalis. I pay no attention to the faded stain on the deck or the unwound hose. I never hear the possum that visits our trash area nightly. Tonight we are going to have a massive storm. I watch the first signs of lightning dance across the sky. Lightning is beautiful. Time stands still as I watch the sky light up. The breeze picks up and I feel the first raindrops falling on my skin. Should I go in or should I stay? I stay. I have always loved the rain. I sit there starring at the sky. I am surrounded by a yard full of toys, yet I feel it is just the grass, the rain and myself. The rain picks up and I feel refreshed with every single drop. Oblivious to anything I lie back and close my eyes. I never hear the soft voice until he is right by my side, “Baby, what are you doing? Come inside.” I invite him to sit and share this moment. He does and we lay in silence. He reaches over and holds my hand just to have that connection. I could stay here forever. The rain cleanses the stress and reality from the day. As hard as I try I can’t get my sister out of my head. She is sound asleep in bed with my daughter and they both look so innocent and beautiful. Our daughter Isabella is three, beautiful in every possible way and for the most part innocent with a raw truth in everything she does. My sister Lindsey has always had the beauty, but tonight I go to bed wondering how innocent she really is.

“I had such a bad dream about you,” I point my finger accusingly at Lindsey. We are at my mom’s house sitting on her back porch. I don’t know why they all sit outside to talk but it has been this way my entire life. August heat in Texas is deadly and the thought of moving to Greenland is running through my head again. There house seems empty these days because there are only three kids left and Lindsey is the oldest. I am the oldest out of all of us and for some reason been pegged the smartest. We all have our titles or roles. Lindsey is our moms “golden” child. The girl she molded exactly the way she imagined, perfect, beautiful, popular, a dancer, outgoing, not to smart but smart enough. She has become a favorite in our family, although we don’t vocalize it, except to her. She knows she is special. “What was it about? Why are you mad at me?” she looks at me with this I never do anything wrong face. My husband and I are both a victim to her. To know her is the love her unconditionally and you just can’t help forgiving any mistakes she might make. “You know how real my dreams are. You called me because you didn’t know where you were, and I can’t understand you very well. You are supposed to be in school. You tell me you are at school and in some room with friends. I come and find you and you are all lying on the floor obviously on drugs. I take you before anyone notices and take you home. You tell me that you are addicted to drugs and can’t tell mom.” They are all looking at me like I am crazy. “She wouldn’t do anything like that!” “Jessica, I can’t believe you would dream that about me! I would never, ever touch any kind of drug. All I have ever done is drink with my friends.” Drinking with friends has always been accepted in my family as long as it was at home or a controlled environment; so growing up we have always had the “cool” parents. “Well don’t ever let me catch you.” I tell her; because I know some of her friends do drugs. I have had to fire several of them that worked for our restaurant, for drug reasons. Everyone seems so shocked but for me, I know this is a warning.

Over a month goes by and life carries on like usual. Isabella and I are on our deck on a caterpillar hunt and I am trying to get some homework done. We have a dozen or so that are seeking out a good spot to make a chrysalis and she is way excited. I often describe Isabella as a princess in love with a dinosaur; she loves everything with such a passion and is not afraid to do anything. I love her spirit and I know that her Aunt Nanners helped shape that. Aunt Nanners is Lindsey but that is what she calls her. She is coming over today after school to baby-sit and Bella has already planned out everything they are going to do. “Isabella I have to get the phone baby it keeps ringing.” So we put a holt to the hunt and march inside. “Hello!” “Hey, I need you guys to get dressed, your mom is about to call you but she called me first, so I want to warn you…” My heart drops in my chest and I immediately think about my grandma in Wisconsin, she is my best friend and my greatest fear is her death. “Lindsey has been arrested at the high school for drug use and your mom needs us to go with her to get her.” My phone beeps and my mom is calling in. “Did Matt call you? Did he tell you? “ She asks me in a shaky voice and I can tell she has already started crying. "Just that we are going to the high school because Lindsey has been arrested.” “Oh Jessica she doesn’t do drugs, they told your dad that she is expelled and in possession of a drug referred to as “bars.” They told your dad that she failed her drug test and is not allowed back to the high school. “ “Calm down mom, we will be right there to get you and we will work this out.” This is a family crisis that we have never been through before and I immediately go into defense mode. We arrived at the high school and she is locked in a room crying. Only two people can go in so I stay out with Isabella. The secretary tells me besides the crying Lindsey seems perfectly fine and I find this so odd because she is on the opposite team here. About 20 minutes pass and they all come out. She latches on to me so tight it puts me in tears. Isabella says, “we rescued you Nanners, now are you coming over?” The full reality of the situation is still a developing haze in the back of our minds. We get in the car and no one wants to say it. “I didn’t do it, they gave me an eye test and said I failed. I was so scared because I thought I was in trouble for being tardy. I know I failed the test because I am so tired. This isn’t my fault we were all up until 4 in the morning fighting about Alicia. I had to go to school on 2 hours of sleep.” She talked so fast that none of us could respond. Matt says, “ I called my attorney we are trying to find one that has experience with the school district, don’t worry, we will get this all straightened out.” I am stunned, speechless and can’t figure out how we went from drug using back to innocent. So I ask, “ Did you take bars?” Everyone in the car seems shocked that I even asked. “They said you admitted it. “ “What they have is her text messages on her cell phone, her friend talks about taking bars last night and she talks about the fight we all had and they are using the messaging as proof along with the drug test.” Mom is obviously on the same path as my husband. But, I know my sister and I know the hug meant please forgive me. I am probably the one person that she would admit to, and the one person she would never want to admit to. We are all on the porch at my mom’s house and they read the cell phone, I don’t. I don’t need to know. “Lindsey, I just made you a doctor’s appointment for Monday to prove you don’t have drugs in your system, we will fight this battle.” Matt tells her while giving her a big hug. The story is that two concerned friends went to the office and said that she was messed up. Turns out that one of the concerned friends is the new girlfriend of Lindsey’s ex-boyfriend. We decide to leave and give mom and dad time to talk to her and pick her up in a couple hours. I pull my mom aside, “ You need to talk to her, just the two of you and ask her for the truth. Not as a mother, but we need to know before we start this fight. She can’t take a drug test on Monday and fail because she won't tell us the truth." Not even an hour later mom calls us and she says the drug test is a no go, but this I already knew. It is not that I think she is a bad kid or expect it from her, I just know her and can read well. We decide to go ahead with the test to prove that it was a one-time use and she is a “good girl.” So Lindsey spends the weekend at our house. None of us really talk about it. The things I won’t say keep me awake at night and I feel suffocated in my house with all of them asleep. It breaks my heart that this will always haunt her, this mistake will always be there and I want with all my heart to erase it.

Sunday night we take her home and plan on picking her up Monday morning for the drug test, while my mom and dad meet with the principle to appeal. About 10 minutes before we are suppose to get her my mom calls us and says the drug test is a no go. This is the big shock for me. She tells me in an almost ashamed voice that Lindsey and her friends take bars every Friday night, they call it “High Friday,” and I am speechless. Matt pulls over. “Lindsey doesn’t want you to know,” she says, ”she just wants to serve her time in the alternative school and forget this all happened. “ We sat in silence on the side of the road.

Later that might I found myself outside again while my house slept. I cried, I cried for her, I cried because I needed to. Here comes the rain.

The Plot

The Plot

The plot for my narrative is pretty simple. My husband and I get separate calls on a Friday morning from my mom. She called him first so I know immediately that something is wrong. Not only that but if it scares her she turns to my husband. He can “fix” anything. He calls me before she does to prep me for what she about to say. Right as the words come out I feel sick to my stomach because a few weeks back I dreamt almost this exact scenario, and he knows it. My sister has been arrested at the high school for drugs. My perfect sister has been arrested for drugs. I stop my homework, get my daughter dressed and he comes and gets us. We pick my mom up and take her to the school. My dad is still about an hour away and has been the liaison between the school and my mom. For years my dad worked out of town for extensive periods of time so my mom grew to rely on us more than him in times of crisis. We get there and besides having been crying for two hours she seems fine to me. Even the secretary for the vice-principle says to me that Lindsey seems fine, no signs of anything. They only let two people in so I wait with my daughter. I watch people go in and out. After 20 –30 minutes they all come out. She gives me the biggest hug and picks up Isabella. She swears to us she didn’t do anything. The school says they had two concerned students that are best friends with her come down and say they were worried about her. One of the “best” friends happens to be the new girlfriend of her ex-boyfriend… They also told my mom and my husband that they read her text messages on her phone and it talks about taking “bars.” They only did an eye test on her and she failed it, but you can fail that test for other reasons as well. The night before, my mom, dad, sister Alicia who is in college, and Lindsey got in a big fight and were all awake until 4 and Lindsey got back up at 6 to get ready. At this point I know little about the fight but do find out that my dad found about 20 little white pills all over her front porch. So, we go to my mom’s house and start to talk. Well Matt calls our family doctor and talks about drug testing and schedules for her to come in the next Monday. He calls his business attorney to help him find an attorney to fight this because Lindsey swears on her life she didn’t do anything. He has already begun the battle and talked to the Superintendent’s assistant. We read her text messages and she talks about the fight, she talks about dad finding bars on the porch, she talks about something called high Fridays, and my mom defends this saying they all eat at someone’s house and drink red bulls then go out. So we leave. Matt calls my mom and tells her she needs to sit Lindsey down and have a serious talk and make sure she is telling the truth. She is expelled from school for 3 days and then has to go to the alternative school for 30 – 60 days depending on her court hearing. Mom calls the principle on Monday to appeal, (There is a story here, and I tell it in my paper) and he basically tells her after several conversations that her daughter has a drug problem and he is sticking with his punishment. So, about 2 hours before the drug test my mom calls us and says it is a no go. They had that long talk. Lindsey tells her that her and her best friend decided to try bars and they did it at her friend’s house because they stayed there and did not go anywhere, so they were safe. They did this Thursday after they went out to eat at Outback where my other sister works. But she swears that is it. So we call the doctor and he tells us to still bring her in because they do a test where it will show she is not a user and we can use this to show she is a good girl and just tried it once. So then about 10 minutes before they are suppose to show up we get another call and mom tells us Lindsey admits that they have done it several times before. We are all shocked. At this point we stop the battle and Lindsey starts going to the alternative school. In such a short period of time I saw a completely different side of my almost perfect sister. The one who has helped me with my daughter since the day she was born. This is the same little girl we would do anything for. I think I was the most shocked and affected besides my sister but for completely different reasons. Five days later one of the girls that turned her in could not handle all the negative attention she was getting in school by all Lindsey’s friend, went to the counselor for advice and the counselor noticed she seems different. They gave her a drug test and she failed, the girl was also in possession of a drug. She is now serving out the rest of her high school career in the same school with my sister, because this was the girl’s second offense. Lindsey will be out mid January. This has affected our whole family and I get into details in my actual paper.

Characters

Characters
Matthew: He is my husband and my soul mate. He is a 31-year-old man who is brilliant in his own right. He has had many lives in his three decades. Coming from a family of abuse and conflict. As a small child he and his sister and brother went to live with his father and stepmother. Here started a life of turmoil and harsh dealings. He has earned everything he has and never regrets anything he does or fails at. The qualities I have always admired about him is he is a dreamer and completely fearless. He has always taken his dreams, big or small, and acted on them without fear. He is also an accomplished musician. He had a band for 7 years, and written 100’s of songs. I have watched him play for crowds of 50 or 5,000 and he put the same effort into every show. When he retired from music, he developed a new concept in the restaurant business and is in the middle of a 300+ unit franchising negotiation. I have always admired how he never looks back; he always keeps going forward. He sees no boundaries, only obstacles to overcome. The man I met 9 years ago is a shadow of the man I know now. The usual things brought on this change, marriage, a child, more responsibilities, but he will be a dreamer until he’s gone.

Isabella: She is my beautiful, smart, and forever silly, three year old daughter. She is the smile on my face when I wake up. She is my biggest achievement in life and will always be my true love. Love with a child is completely different than the love you feel for your spouse. It has to be. It is unconditional, through the naughty times, and the sad times and everything in between. She is brilliant. She has talked a mile a minute since before she turned one as well as signed from about six months old. She is a reader and a storyteller. Her imagination is as big as her daddy’s dreams. She is completely sassy with more attitude than an entire junior high of girls. She is extremely emotional and feels everything 1000%. Everything from her gratitude to her sadness is at its most extreme level. She is a painter and would paint the world if I let her. I often describe her as a princess who fell in love with a dinosaur. She would live at the Museum of Natural Science if we let her. The dinosaurs are her friends and the atrium her garden. She memorizes everything and sings to anyone or anything that will listen. She is our child.

My Mom: She is tall, petite in size, blonde hair and long legs. She can put on a happy face to get though any situation and at the right time is fun loving and full of laughter. She lives with deep sorrow for the death of her dad and will never get to a point where she can speak of him and not cry. She was the eternal pessimist until my dad got in a life changing accident last spring. She is still borderline crazy, but is more manageable as the years go by. As a child we did everything together and I can’t remember her ever being in a bad mood. She is a different person than the one I grew up with. When she met my dad (step dad) he brought two children with him and my mom changed. She became bitter and mean after she gave birth to my sister. We also moved to Texas and that made her worse. We grew up with verbal abuse, it was directed at my stepsister and brother most of the time but we all got our fair share. I think my mom lives with regrets and hard feeling every moment of her life. Since my daughter was born I have seen a change in her, I see the mom I grew up with when it was just the two of us.

My Dad: He is actually my step dad but really is the only dad I have ever known. He is a bit shorter than my mom with black hair mixed with grey at the temples. He is of stocky build with muscular arms. He has piercing blues eyes and a charming smile. He is a hustler, doing anything he can to keep his family afloat. He is a giver and will give until there is nothing left of him. He is completely selfless and unappreciated. He is a New Yorker and will always get a laugh out of me when he calls my name. My daughter even corrects him. He is a dreamer as well, but can’t seem to make his dreams work out, partly because of my mom and partly he gives up too soon. My mom wears the pants in our family so he has that follower complex, “Whatever your mother says.” To truly know him you feel sorry for him. Almost like he is a prisoner in our family. He is a good man and will leave this world never knowing just what that means.

Lindsey, my sister: She is one of three sister that I have. She is 16 years old. We tend to favor her, but it has not always been this way. She and my youngest brother are my moms "golden" children, basically her favorites. Lindsey and I have gotten extremely close in the past 5 years. She and my daughter are best friends. My husband would do anything in the world for her. She is more like our daughter than anything else. She is a good girl but likes to drink with her friends. She is outgoing and embraces life. She has always done dance or cheer. She is just a fun and happy person to be around.

My Grandma: This lady helped raise me my first couple year and every summer and Christmas until I was 17. She will forever be stamped in my heart. She is my wisdom, my guidance and my best friend. She has always been optimistic and taught me to see life as miracle and a challenge. She never gives up on anyone or anything. She has advice for everything! Her faith is unwavering. She is a social butterfly and loves life. She is involved with many groups and tends to sit on the board of most of them. She is tall like my mom but bigger built, not over weight but bigger than average. She has good health, for being 86. She is a patient and solid woman. She is someone who has left a mark on hundreds of peoples lives, and doesn’t know it.

Autobiographical Narrative - Setting

The air is thick and weighs heavy on my chest. The sky is pitch black with silvery grey clouds. I can smell rain in the breeze, the same way it smells after a rain shower on a hot day in Texas. We haven’t had rain in almost a month. The moon is full filling up the night sky and I sit starring at it thinking about the day I just had. Everyone in my house is sound asleep, but I can’t sleep. Lately, I find myself awake when everyone is sleeping and this time alone has become a comfort for me. To see me it would seem odd that I am in the middle of my yard in the grass. This is because we have a deck full of furniture and swings but tonight I choose the grass. The grass is green and crisp tickling the underside of my legs. The world around me seems to have a steady hum that plays in the back of my head. I watch a butterfly glide through the air heading straight for our butterfly garden. I glance at the garden; it is not much to look at unless you know the beauty that takes place there. I can see a caterpillar hanging from the arbor preparing to make its chrysalis. I pay no attention to the faded stain on the deck or the unwound hose. I never hear the possum that visits our trash area nightly. Tonight we are going to have a massive storm. I watch the first signs of lightning dance across the sky. Lightning is beautiful. Time stands still as I watch the sky light up. The breeze picks up and I feel the first raindrops falling on my skin. Should I go in or should I stay? I stay. I have always loved the rain. I sit there starring at the sky. I am surrounded by a yard full of toys, yet I feel it is just the grass, the rain and myself. The rain picks up and I feel refreshed with every single drop. Oblivious to anything I lie back and close my eyes. I never hear the soft voice until he is right by my side, “Baby, what are you doing? Come inside.” I invite him to sit and share this moment. He does and we lay in silence. He reaches over and holds my hand just to have that connection. I could stay here forever.